Brooks
Steven knocked on the metal door of his close neighbor wanting us to greet him. Always ready for a new experience and the opportunity to meet yet one more of the extremely warm and hospitable Congolese, we were excited to meet who lived inside. And so it was again, gradually opening the broken-paned front door, we were greeted with a broad grin of a man we had met twice before. It was Lagris, a church planter who had traveled to Kenya some time ago to receive trainings. As he welcomed us with the usual three kisses, one on each cheek and then a second for the right cheek again, plus a handshake, there were squeals of children and a flurry of activity. Roger and I slipped into the small and very inviting sitting room. It was stuffed with chairs, tables, books, papers and a huge curtain drawn alongside the room, where I imagined the other side was filled with mattresses for those who slept there. Lagris quickly made introductions, his wife Scola and all of his children…who were many. In addition to his own, we met four little boys, all anxious to touch Roger’s white skin and sitting close to him staring in wonder at this mzungu who was sitting in their home. These four were street children, along with a teenage girl who Lagris and his wife had gathered up and brought into their own home, not knowing how they would feed them or pay school fees or even if they had space enough to keep them. Sitting there, it was obvious the children were, happy, content, well nourished enfolded into a mother and father’s love and safe-keeping. Chattering about times past, a flurry of French was exchanged and quickly Scola and several children scurried out the door, down the street to buy bottles of Fanta for all to celebrate our reunion.
Much had happened in Lagris’ life which he was only too happy and very excited to tell us. His honesty and confidence in telling his story bespoke the many times he must have shared it before. There was no shame, no disgrace, only joy in reporting what only God could have done in his life, his wife’s life and their marriage. It seems their marriage was rough…difficult, filled with arguments and fighting. In DRC, it is very common for this to involve physical abuse as well as verbal. After one such event where Lagris again beat his wife, she had had enough. Even through hours of counsel with Steven, the marriage was over. One day Lagris came home to find Scola had left and taken their children to the city of Bukavu four hours away. She was angry, hurt, finished.
But, God was not. He began to speak to the hearts of both husband and wife. Lagris had heard from Roger a teaching about husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church. He heard that husbands are to love them even as they love themselves. This would mean that beating your wife, even though accepted culturally, is not acceptable as a Believer. This kind of action is clear disobedience to God and his Word. This is not loving your wife. For Lagris this was a novel thought and it continued to resound in his heart and his mind. Could this be? Was this truth?
Meanwhile, Scola was praying, “God, do something in my marriage. I love my husband. I want to be with him, but not as he is. I see the ways I have not been a good wife. I am angry, mean, disrespectful and never say a kind word to that man. Help me. Help our marriage. Please do something so I will know you are working. Please put us back together in a good way.” But, in her heart she could not believe that even God could do such a thing. Was this even possible?
As God continued to work in Lagris, one day he took the journey Bukavu. He went to his wife weeping, asking for forgiveness. He explained to Scola that he didn’t know; he didn’t understand before. Now he could see how wrong he had been. He wanted her to come home and see that he was a changed man.
For Scola, she apologized, too, for her part, for how she was not the good wife he deserved, how the years had worn away the love she once had for him and how she treated him without honor or respect. God began to heal. As each one opened herself/himself to what God wanted, He began to pour his power into each life and into this marriage.
It’s now been over a year and this couple very matter of factly, with openness and great candor tell their story, with the specific actions that led each of them to the point of separation. They unashamedly take responsibility for their part, what they did. They talk about seeking God, asking Him what He wanted to do in this very, very bad marriage. Today they talk about choices: doing life on God’s terms or their own. Will I protect myself or will I let God protect me? Will I trust God or rely only on myself? Will I give up traditional ways of how to deal with a “disobedient” wife or will I embrace God’s way of how to treat a wife? Can I let go of my anger and look at what God wants to do in me even though these circumstances are so hard?
Today, Lagris and Scola , interact easily and comfortably, talking about the past, sharing their life as it is today. No fireworks, no Hollywood fantasies, just a depth of love and true peace that passes all understanding. What could have destroyed their own lives, the lives of their children did not happen, because two people sought God, humbled themselves, and looking into God’s face and said, “I choose You.” The result? No one can believe it. Their lives, their marriage speak loudly to many—men and women alike. There is not one who knows them who will deny the power of God in this family. It seems it’s in our darkest hour we choose. And, often in the choosing, God’s power is either snuffed out or released. In this case, Laris and Scola chose. It’s been in that choice we are now seeing that God’s love and grace and power is being released into the lives of five orphans who were once scavengers trying to survive. It was in that choice that their testimony is influencing many marriages and people. All because one woman, ravaged by severe physical abuse, and one man and living as only they had seen, asked God, “What do you want me to do?”
Add new comment