Forgiven

Before we left to come to Poland, I traveled back and forth on Highway 166 from Nipomo to Bakersfield several times to see my daughter and her family.  Now, everyone knows that there are highway Patrol officers staked out all along this two lane highway and my son-in-law, daughter, AND husband have met several of them and been the recipients of their hand-outs.  All that to say, I’m fairly vigilant driving across, keeping an ever-watchful eye for the “enemy” hiding in their black and white cars along the way. Alas, my guard was down this last time.  Speeding through a straight-away with nothing in sight, focused on the mental to-do list I was making, I didn’t notice the curve up ahead.  As cars came barreling out of it, right in the middle of the stream was a hidden police car.  I immediately slowed down and had that sinking feeling, “Darn, I am so busted!”  I was doing something wrong and got caught doing it.  Looking out the rear view mirror to see if, or rather when, he was going to come get me, sure enough, he whipped out of line and came up from behind with his lights twirling and blinking frantically.  I pulled over and fumbled through purse, glove compartment, visor and thought to myself, “I’m guilty, just give me the ticket and let me get out of here.” The officer came up to the passenger window, asked for all the typical documents and asked me, “Do you know how fast you were going?” “Yes, 70 to 75.” “Do you know what the speed limit is?” “Yes, 55.” Looking through my papers, he wanted to know if I agreed that there was a pretty big difference between the two. “Yes, I was speeding.  There’s a big difference.” Leaning in with no more words, no accusations, he stoically said, “Well, continue on your way.  Drive carefully.  Drive safely. And, oh, have a really good day.” What, are you kidding me?  I couldn’t believe it.  I thought for sure I would get a ticket.  I certainly deserved it.  Why didn’t I get one?  I was all prepared for whatever, thinking, “just what we need one more thing to pay for,” and dreading confessing to Roger. As I slipped back onto the highway, driving well under 55, instantly the Holy Spirit spoke to me, “This is it; this is me; this is me and my love for you, the cross.  Yep, you are guilty; you are riddled with things you have/are doing that are wrong, that are against my ways.  I’ve posted how to do life and yet you think you have a better plan, a better way to get what you think you need and want.  You are rebellious and headstrong, driven to get where you want to go, driven to get there how you want to oftentimes not giving me or my ways a thought.” But here I am.  At the cross.   Caught in my self-indulging ways.  It’s true.  I am guilty.  I have done things in my past that I’m not proud of; I’m doing things right now that are not helpful to me or anyone else.  Am I guilty?  Yes.  Is there any way to worm my way out and sugarcoat it or talk my way out of it?  No.  Do I even want to?  No.  Do I drive 75 in a 55 zone?  Yes.  I hope not to suffer the consequences...just slide through, somehow getting a free pass.  But, here I am caught…bracing myself for the punishment.  I’m shocked.  Once again Jesus reminds me, “You are forgiven. I’m not giving you a ticket, just receive my love, my presence, my power in exchange for all you’ve done.  That’s what I want for you.  If you confess your sins (driving 75), then I’m faithful and just to forgive you. (I John 1:9) It’s who I am.”  Instantly, my heart was flooded once again with the awareness of so much grace, so much peace, so much there’s absolutely nothing I can do about what I’ve done, but receive His peace. That’s how I feel today.  After discovering that indeed it is shingles on Roger’s body and knowing the consequences of the dreaded disease, there’s no explanation for how well he is doing other than grace.  I know enough about shingles and have currently read even more to be aware that he could be in bed with fever and extreme pain where the blisters are.  Instead, God’s grace is with us.  After a couple of days of headache and flu-like symptoms, he has very little pain, most of the achiness is gone.  He has been energetic and present to all God wants to do while we are in Poland:  teaching, encouraging, supporting leaders and those coming to the trainings.  It really is all GRACE.  What else could be the explanation?  The cross holds it all.  If we can receive it and believe it.  Well, I believe it.  We are experiencing that kind of grace today. In Bydgoszcz enjoying the wintery weather: